Fantasies In The Flesh

I never wonder why I liked Charmed so much, now I do. I envied their way of life, their magical life and the way of handling their awesome powers. Maybe it includes their love life. I know their love lives are chaos now but I still envy on how they handled their broken marriages. Piper is a strong woman; she could still hang on with her baby son, Wyatt without his father. She did shed tears and was sad over the broken marriage but she stood up and became a new woman. My life isnt like the Charmed Ones. Its more like a Hell One. Love life now like water flowing in the drain, coping examinations like a struggling worm, have difficulty in finding comfort in someone. How I define comfort? Is someone who could provide the basic care and concern for my life. Yesterday, he didnt called and I felt sad over it till now. Maybe I search comfort in watching Charmed, I shed tears for them for Leo-Piper broken marriage, Coles death, Phoebes reluctance to forgive Cole and Cole struggling to prove hes good not evil. Charmed is part of my life liaox.. They have been in life for the past 5 years. Say me obsessing Charmed or crazy over these three witches. Yeah, Im. Do you have any problem with that? Now, Im simply to tired to search for the comfort. Nowadays, guys dont seek comfort but they tend to have sexual desires. Having to meet these guys are like tearing me off from inside slowly, its like the friction sole in me is wearing off slowly during the process.

“For a shied from a storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on, for everything into, for everything its true, I turn to you. When I lose the will to win, I just reach for you for I can reach….”
-Christina Aguilera "I Turn To You"-


leaving skool at 5:30 PM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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I guess it never meant to be...

I have been sick these few days, have also been thinking a lot. At least I’m catching up with my revisions. Have you ever heard of people crying when they are sick? Not those terminally sick la.. I cried and I don’t know why. I guess it’s the thing in me again. The emotion thing. For the past days, I’ve been feeling more sick, sick till I could feel the heat in each single bones and muscles. The feeling ain’t good I tell ya. Being sick ain’t joke! Worse if no one is beside you to hang on for you. I was on the bed myself, feeling alone, I hardly moved my leg and body. No one knows I’m sick then. No one cares. Yeah.. I guess these were the reasons I cried. Soon, I got recovered. Healthy again~ It felt good to be healthy. Yesterday, Ben was having a bad day. He was feeling bad over his life. His work and stuffs. I couldn’t believed I told him that to save up for his overseas trip though I won’t like him to go. Come to think, I’m stupid enough to make his life worse. I think its enough. I need to end it. End these stupid acts. But I know some weeks later, I would start these stupid things. I’m just thinking too much, way too much..

Reflection: I guess it never meant to be… this way I wanted… for us to be together… I have been a joke around you. Sorry.. Please forgive me for doing these..


leaving skool at 4:48 PM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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Girls talked,
I said.
Eyes locks,
Brain dead.

Monday seemed so lifeless for me today. Sometimes, I would wonder if I got the lazy gene from the pigs. Gosh… How many naps have I taken for the past few months? I cannot control myself from touching my bed, my legs and hands would be all over it when I’m revising for management. The wordy notes were making my eyes shutting. I couldn’t take it till I had to stand throughout the revision. It was then I decided to go online to check my mails to wake myself up a little and it did. I saw my friend, Jeanie. Guess what?? She got herself someone younger than her by one year which I found it rather surprising. This is so not Jeanie at all. Upon asking more, I realized this guy, Daryll (which is his name I guessed) is a seconday four student and is a beng lor. Apparently, she met Daryll in the Safari Restaurant where both of them worked as service crew but this isn’t it. She told me that they broke off recently and it was the guy who initiated the broke. The reason was she wasn’t compatible enough for him. Oh gosh.. What’s this fella thinking!? Or maybe he is still young to thinking. He should at least care for what the girl’s feelings and be responsible enough to tell her the true reason behind it. Who would buy the story? Me? NO! Poor Jeanie is trying to get over this heartless guy and has no mood to continue her revisions for examinations. I wonder what this sixteen year old guy has which made Jeanie so sad. How did they get together at first… Serene was another friend I saw online, this girl is currently attached. Yeah, I said attached. I always thought she would be very fussy about choosing boyfriends, she once told me before she wants her guy to be good looking and rich like Jerry Yen. Wahaha. There she is.. happily attached. Feel so happy for her. She even asked me if I would be straight in future and without hesitation, I told her if there is someone I love deeply who hurts me. There would be chances. Who knows?

leaving skool at 1:32 PM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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Whats wif the chemistry in us?

Its just a strange thing when you fall in love, things would tend to go bonkerz especially in front of your partner. This is how I describe love. I cannot say we are in the stage of in love now but I know I’m very happy with him. Once again, I’m falling into his trap. His comfort, loving and secure. I felt all. But today was a total different. After dinner, we came to this cozy and dim-lit café (forgotten the name.. hehex..) Geez, never been to such place before. We finally settled down in a two-seat table beside the glass window panel and we could see cuisine restaurants opposite us. He ordered Heneiken and I ordered Honey Tea (Never tasted such sucky drink before… ewww.. I think I could do better than her!) We were adjusting to the environment with lots of strange things, all looked so homely to me. Flipping through the magazines they stacked on a wooden cabinet, I realized there is this stench I can’t stand! Neither smelly nor unpleasant. I didn’t bother it as it wasn’t that intruding. I noticed the content of “Her World” magazine was related to sex stuff, so he came over and sat near me. (typical guy~) His breathe which smelled of the alcohol drink. His red face with the sunburns’ leftovers. His red-bloodshot eyes which weren’t electrifying but felt warm. I told him he must be drunk but he replied saying that his kidneys are healthy and he is still sober. Wahaha… somehow, I believed him which I don’t know why. I didn’t continue pursuing the fact of him getting drunk but we began the seemed-very-long eye contacts. I don’t know how long I can take it, how I wish I could get the ice-cream scoop and scoop them out. The weak resistance made me turned my eyes away from his. We beginning indulged in the “poking-into-your-business” war. He has these msgs from friends which I began to tease him. He too would tease me with Chris heres and theres but I think he knew I don’t like it so he started less of it. Suddenly, he heard him asking whether he should continue treating me like these.. I was stunned which made me paused and mixed up a bit. But I shot him another question whether we have future ahead us before I could answer his question. He stared into my eyes again *melting* and said yes. “Carry on!” this was what I said lor.. haha.. stupid rite…
Actually, after we departed at the traffic junction till I got home, I told myself to relax a bit. He is just a friend, although I don’t know what happens in future but I hope I can be happy with him. I just wish for that. Boyfriend is just a name..


leaving skool at 3:19 PM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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Isn't refund cute?? How I wish I could have a dog too...





definitely smarter than his owner~ haha.. :) Rite Ralph?

leaving skool at 12:00 AM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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Its another day of life.. Another day of waking up and brushing teeth... Its so tough to wake up from a dream you'll never want to forget.. The dream of uncertainty in the unrealistic world...

leaving skool at 3:08 PM [loving infatuatious dardar]

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